i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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