Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
