Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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