Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
