I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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