no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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