I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
