how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
