Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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