If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
