drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
