So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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