I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
