Whod you bang
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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