I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your cock deserves a montage
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
