i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
