Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
