the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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