She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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