marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
