I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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