We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
