their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
