New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize