the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
