I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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