but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
