Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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