I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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