i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
