i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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