I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
