I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
BRING THE BAGELS
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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