Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
