At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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