That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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