I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
