Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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