The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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