you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
