took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize