Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
