If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
