i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
