Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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