party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
