he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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