turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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