ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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