Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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