Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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