is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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