I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
