my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
