Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
