Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
