My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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