In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
