I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
