I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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