Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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