it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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