drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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