The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
