We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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