ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
