I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Drunk is a universal language darling
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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