No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
