if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
